About That Color Thing...

Does color matter that much?  It sure does.  It matters as much as determining and dressing for your body type.  Knowing your colors is winning half the battle of dressing to look your best.  The natural color of your complexion, hair and eyes determine whether particular colors make you look radiant or washed out, youthful or aged, energized or exhausted. 

Now, color can be tricky.  May of us have general misconceptions about what looks good and what doesn’t.  The biggest misunderstanding is that black is a universal color that looks great on everyone.  Actually, it isn’t that way at all. 

First, let’s determine which category you are in.  There are 6 dominant color categories: light, deep, soft, clear, warm and cool.  Here are the descriptions:

Light

Light blonde hair

Fair skin tone

Light to medium eye color

Deep

Medium to dark brown hair or black hair

Medium to dark skin tone

Hazel, brown or black eyes

Soft

Light to medium brown hair, sometimes described as mousy or dishwater blonde

Light to medium skin tone

Medium intensity eye color like hazel, brown, blue, or green

Clear 

Dark medium brown to black hair

Very fair to light or medium skin tone

Bright eye color like green, blue, hazel or dark brown

Warm

Red hair or golden blonde with natural reddish highlights

Any skin tone; sometimes with freckles

Green, blue, brown or hazel eyes

Cool

Silver, gray or ash brown hair

Light to deep skin tone, most often with pink undertones

Blue, green, hazel or brown eyes

So…hopefully you’ve figured out which color category you are in.  If it helps you any in determining where you fit, I am in the clear category.

Now for the fun part!!! Here are the best clothing options for you based on your color category:

Light

Color Intensity:  Pale to medium hues

Accessories:  Silver and gold

Best Neutrals:  Charcoal, navy, light camel

Pop Colors:  Turquoise, pink, lavender, sapphire blue

White or Ivory:  Either works for you.

The Truth About Black:  Beware of black as it will overpower you.  If you insist on wearing it, keep it away from your face.

Best Shoe and Purse Color:  Because you are blonde, opt for light camel, taupe or charcoal for a general, all-use purse.

Stay Away From: Very dark or very bright colors.

Deep

Color Intensity:  Medium to deep shades, some brights

Accessories:  Silver and gold

Best Neutrals: Black or dark brown

Pop Colors:  Purple, true red, persimmon, royal blue

White or Ivory:  Both

The Truth About Black:  Yes, it’s for you!  Anytime, anywhere!

Best Shoe and Purse Color:  If your hair is medium to deep brown, choose dark brown for your best all-purpose shoe and purse color.  If your hair is dark brown to black, choose black.

Stay Away From:  Muted colors.

Soft

Color Intensity:  Medium hues

Accessories:  Silver and gold

Best Neutrals:  Charcoal and medium brown

Pop Colors:  Butter yellow, teal blue, coral, mint green

White or Ivory: Soft Ivory

The Truth About Black:  Never!  Sorry, I know this really hurts your feelings, but black ages you and drains the color from your face.

Best Shoe and Purse Color:  Medium brown

Stay Away From:  Black, black and black!  Oh did I say black?  Did I make it clear yet?  Also stay away from very bright colors and combinations of high contrast colors like black and white together.

Clear

Color Intensity:  Bright hues

Accessories:  Silver is best, but shiny gold works too.

Best Neutrals:  Black, navy, and deep charcoal gray

Pop Colors:  Bright purple, clear red, sunny yellow, hot pink

White or Ivory: White

The Truth About Black:  Yes for you!  It looks especially great when worn with very light or very bright colors.

Best Shoe and Purse Color:  Black

Stay Away From:  Muted and dusty shades; beware especially of wearing brown and beige together.

Warm

Color Intensity:  Hues with a yellow undertone; autumn-like shades

Accessories:  Gold or silver/gold mix

Best Neutrals:  Any shade of brown

Pop Colors:  Rust, butterscotch, copper, turquoise

White or Ivory: Ivory

The Truth About Black:  Not good on you, especially because chocolate brown is so much better.  My advice?  Move black out of your wardrobe or keep it only on the bottom half.

Best Shoe and Purse Color:  Brown

Stay Away From: Pink, pink, pink!

Cool

Color Intensity:  Light to medium, but always with a blue or pink undertone

Accessories:  Silver

Best Neutrals:  Black, navy and gray

Pop Colors:  Ocean blue, royal purple, blue-red, soft pink

White or Ivory: White

The Truth About Black:  It’s definitely for you!

Best Shoe and Purse Color:  Black or charcoal

Stay Away From:  Brown, beige, yellow and orange.

I hope you enjoyed learning about what colors look best on you!  Have a wonderful Fashion Friday!

XOXO

Amberly

*Taken from Shari Braendal’s Good Girls Don’t Have to Dress Bad.

Skin Isn't In...

Looks Do Matter. 

There. I said it. If you are a Christian, then your faith plays a part in every aspect of your life.  Or at least it should.  Faith affects your personal life, your career choices and your relationships.  Faith affects your music and movie selections, where you hang out and what you do for fun.  Faith even affects your clothing choices.  As a Christian female you have a responsibility to make sure the way you dress reflects who you really are.  I’m not saying you should walk around wearing “I love Jesus” t-shirts, but you should live knowing that what you put on in the morning says something about your character. 

So what’s with all the fuss about modesty?  First and foremost, remember the previous blog about the King being enthralled by your beauty?  Think about that again.  The King of the universe thinks you’re amazing!  He thinks you have the perfect size feet.  He thinks your nose fits your face exactly the way it should.  Those hips you complain about? He made them for you.  And…He thinks you’re pretty cute!  The reality is that most of don’t think that about ourselves.  We’ve decided that we’d look better as a blonde, so we dye our hair.  We’d really like a smaller nose, bigger breasts, thinner thighs so we do whatever it takes to get it.  We start searching out the answers to our issues (or paying for surgery), and end up deciding that everyone else is prettier so why even bother?  Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and we should take care of it so its okay to take care of your skin, to go to the gym and diet, and all those things.  That’s taking care of the temple…but remember that beauty is not what you think it is.  Beauty is not where you think it is.  Beauty is you.  Beauty is me.  Beauty is God.  What do I mean?  Beauty is in the natural.  It’s not about airbrushing or tons of make-up.  Beauty is found in us in our natural form, before we mess with anything.  One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” 

As a Godly young lady, it is your responsibility to represent Jesus well.  For some, you may be the only representation they ever see.  How does that make you feel?  Are you confident that your outer appearance accurately reflects who you are on the inside?  We have a responsibility to present ourselves modestly.  Not old-fashioned, boring and fuddy-duddy.  Modesty is about taking care not to cause our brothers in Christ to sin in their minds and often, in their actions.  It’s caring that you don’t show your underwear to the cashier when you bend over at the store.  It’s not dressing so sexy that you attract the wrong kind of attention and present the wrong message.  Modesty shows other people what’s going on inside of you.

This story is in the book Good Girls Don’t Have to Dress Bad by Shari Braendal.  It’s an awesome book and we are going to be using some of her tips later in this blog and also in future blogs. 

Recently I attended a football game with a friend of mine, and her beautiful sixteen-year-old daughter ran into the stands to say hello to us.  I have known this family for a long time, and this young woman, who has heard me speak several times, respects my thoughts on fashion and modesty.  As Tracy made her way through the bleachers, I noticed she had on the shortest shorts I had ever seen a girl wear.  She might as well have been wearing just her underwear…It was hard not to notice her barely there clothing.  I couldn’t not say anything.  I looked her straight in the eyes and said ‘Tracy, why, oh why, are you wearing those shorts? You are such a positively stunning girl.  But guess what? No one is going to notice your amazing face because all they’ll be looking at is your bottom half.’

I was sure of one thing.  Tracy’s self-worth was tied up in the response she was getting from guys who made suggestive comments about her appearance.  And no one, not a peer or an adult, had the guts to speak out against it.

So many young girls today are dressing to impress the boys…even Pentecostal ones who don’t ever wear shorts!  Just take a look around you at church.  Short skirts, tight skirts, tight shirts, exposed body parts.  Shari Braendal interviewed several young men when writing her book.  One of them said “They (girls) think they’re dressing to get our attention, but they’re getting the wrong kind of attention.  When we look at them in their barely there clothes, we don’t think the thoughts they wish we would think.  We actually think less of them.  They want us to find them attractive, but we end up thinking things about them that we know they wouldn’t want us to think.”  Wow!  He basically said he would rather his female peers not display their bodies in immodest ways. 

Most of you probably think of words like old-fashioned, boring, out-of-date, puritan and nerdy when you hear the word modesty.  Do you realize now that your outer appearance reflects who you are on the inside?  If you answered yes, then I want to create a picture in your mind.  Imagine a teenage girl wearing a sheer blouse with her red bra straps showing through…when she bends over you can see her underwear over the top of her low-rise skirt.  Is that image clear?  Now think about your impression of her.  What kind of girl do you think she is? 

Now, let’s put a second picture in your mind.  This girl is wearing a tank top under her too-low shirt, but you can still see a little cleavage peeking out over the top.  Her skirt is a little too short, but she has leggings on underneath.  What’s your impression of this girl?  Obviously, the second girl is dressed more modestly than the first.  I mean, she covered her legs with leggings and her cleavage was only slightly peeking out of the top of her shirt.  So what’s the big deal?  The big deal is…guys are visual.  God created their brains with some extra stuff that we don’t have.  The fact is, when a boy sees a girl wearing a short skirt with leggings, his mind may not go into overload; but when he sees that cleavage peeking out over the top of her shirt he will immediately think “Hmmmm…wonder what it looks like down there?”  You can argue that it doesn’t matter.  You can say you are big-busted and you can’t help it.  It won’t change my mind.  You CAN help it and you SHOULD help it.  Dressing modestly means having an attitude in dressing that reflects a respect for God, yourself and the opposite sex. 

I love fashion, especially the new trends and crazy styles that come out each season, and the cool thing is – I can wear the popular styles and do it modestly.  Modesty is about learning how to take each style and make it respectful.  Doing this will bring out the fashionista in you by allowing you to be creative with your clothes.  For example…I can wear a see-through blouse and still be modest by wearing a cute t-shirt underneath it.  So here are Shari’s rules for modesty.  The 5 Bs of beauty and the 5 Bs of style…

The 5 Bs of Beauty

Be yourself.  Dress in what you love and what loves you back.

Be colorful.  Always wear shades that flatter you and your personality (we’re going to talk more about this Friday).

Be satisfied with your body.  Wear the size that fits, not one size too small.

Be beautiful.  Remember you are amazing exactly the way you are!

Be respectful.  Ask yourself “Would this outfit trip up a guy?”

The 5 Bs of Style

No Bra straps.  Don’t let yours show…anywhere, anytime!  It’s sloppy.

No Bust exposure.  Don’t choose clothes that show your cleavage.  Make sure your tops aren’t too tight at the bust.  Get a bra with a little padding…I don’t want to look at your chest and know that you’re cold.

No Bellies.  Treat your tummy as a private part.  Make sure your shirts are long enough to cover your belly when you move around, raise your arms, etc.

No Bottoms.  Don’t wear anything with words written on your bottom.  Don’t wear your skirts above your knee.  Don’t wear low-rise skirts without a long top.  We don’t want to see your underwear.

No Bubbling.  This is what happens when your skirt is too tight.  If you look in the mirror and you have a cute little bubble in the back…your skirt is too tight.  Trust me…I know how much this stinks.  I’ve given away a lot of cute skirts in the past year because I’m too lazy to exercise and my hips keep expanding.  As painful as it is to give away that cute skirt, it isn’t Godly to continue wearing it.

So there you go.  Skin isn’t in.  As Godly young ladies, we are called to a higher standard.  Before you walk out your door, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself “If I were to run into me today, what would my impression be based on what I’m wearing?”

Happy shopping!!!

Amberly

"My Glory" -- Guest Blog by Kelli Orange

--This is a note that Sis. Kelli Orange wrote on Facebook a couple of years ago.  The Lord has really been dealing with my heart about the importance of our hair and the protection of the angels that we have through not cutting it, and I remembered this note! Sis. Kelli graciously let us use it for a guest blog, and I know that it will touch your heart!  I think one of the main reasons that I have been thinking about this subject so much recently is the fact that there has been so much sickness in our church...especially the children.  Now, I know that this is supposed to be for "young" ladies (un-married, no children, etc.), but I think it's important for YOU to understand that the consequences of your actions TODAY can either harm or protect your future children! But even more than that, it's YOUR protection every day. Also, I know that several mothers read our blog as well, and I pray that this is an encouragement and inspiration to you as well! 
--Natalie


April 16, 2009
By: Kelli Orange
WOW!!! I didn't know that a simple status update would lead to this! However, I LOVE to share my testimony, and never even thought about doing it with all of my Facebook friends. I would like to say that this is MY conviction, MY belief, and MY interpretation of the Word of God. If you don't believe it, that is fine by me. However, please have the decency to withold all negative criticisms since this is really my heartbeat! 

A few years ago, I had a knot in my hair that took my mother over four hours to get out. I decided right then and there that I needed to know WHY I didn't cut my hair! I knew it was "my glory", but I was thinking right about then that maybe I didn't need all that glory! ;-) I began to do an in depth study on hair to understand why the Lord would ask this of us. I went to a hair conference that was very enlightening! Proverbs 29:13 says, "Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law." Many people discard so many of our beliefs because they do not have the revelation. I did not have one at this time! I began to pray for one! 

Ezekiel 28 talks about a war being waged in the spirit realm about holiness. Lucifer had a very special place of anointed ministry, and his primary function was being a covering cherub. The cherubim, seem to be particularly assigned to the responsibility of guarding the glory of God. Lucifer, being the anointed cherub, was set forth as the chief guardian of the glory of God. Ezekiel 28:14 says that God put him in this place of delegated authority. He was honored above all of the other angels, so what could have been the root of his rebellion? Ezekiel 28:17 declares. “Thine heart was lifted up because of thine beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness…” Vanity caused him to become so proud of his outward magnificence that it began to overshadow his relationship with his Maker. When Lucifer was cast out, he lost his covering. God delegated Lucifer’s guardianship of the glory of God to the woman. I Corinthians 11:10 and 15 says “For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. But if a woman have long hair, it is a GLORY to her: for her hair is given her for a COVERING.” So to this day, Satan tempts mankind, especially women over and over to tamper with the covering because it symbolizes to him everything he lost. 

A woman’s hair signals to the spirit world whether she is in rebellion or in submission. The angels can tell by looking at her. That is why it is so important for us not to even trim our hair. The purpose is not to have long hair, it is to be in submission to the word of God by not cutting your hair… at all. What is one of the first thing a woman does when she backslides? She cuts her hair, losing her glory just like Lucifer did when he was cast out. She is now separated from God just like he is. 


The only other place that you see the covering, the angels, and the glory mentioned together is in the Ark of the Covenant. The mercy seat covered the law. The cherubim, (the angels) were assigned to guard the glory, covered the mercy seat and were actually attached to it. Dwelling in the midst of the cherubim was the glory of God. If ever the covering, the mercy seat was removed from the Ark, the angels were removed with it. They were attached to the covering. The glory, mercy, and presence of God were removed as well, leaving only naked law, no mercy. To forfeit the covering was to forfeit divine protection! The woman, as God created her, is a picture of the Church – the Law on the inside; the covering of her submission to that law on the outside; the mercy and the angels covering her; and the glory and the presence of God dwelling over, around, and in the midst of her! The woman’s uncut hair is a part of what makes her visible and recognizable as the covered bride of Jesus Christ. 

The protection is not only for the woman, but also for her family! Ezekiel 10 indicates that wherever the glory was the cherubim was as well. In verses 18 and 19, when the glory of the Lord departed from the house or the temple, the cherubim lifted up their wings and departed also. They were committed to the glory! We are the temple of the Holy Ghost and we have the glory as long as we are in submission through obedience with uncut hair. When a woman cuts her hair, she actually severs the glory of God from her life. The angels will lift and depart, for they are committed to the glory. Where there is no glory, the angels are absent, leaving only harsh judgment. Have you ever noticed that the armor of God does not make a provision for the back? Isaiah 58:8 says that the glory of the Lord shall be our rearguard! Titus 2:5 says that women are to be “keepers at home”. This phrase in the Greek language has a much deeper meaning than simply housekeeping, cooking, cleaning, etc. It also means “a guard, to beware”. Ladies, your job description involves more than housekeeping. You are to be a guard that will beware of any evil that would try to come into your homes. 

We can actually open up our homes for evil spirits to come in if we are in rebellion. Your uncut hair brings protection to the entire family. The devil is the ultimate liar. So, before you cut your hair, ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” and “How will this affect my family?” Do you dare forfeit divine protection for the sake of vanity? Sometimes in the darkest trials of your life, you will feel the urge to cut your hair. During the hardest trial that I have ever been through I was on my floor in the bathroom sobbing for hours. I felt the strongest urge to cut my hair, not to get it styled, but whacked off. There was a spirit fighting HARD for me to "just shock everyone, just cut it!" Thank God that I did not give in because if the devil can just get you to cut your hair, he has stripped away your army of angels that were protecting you. 

What a comfort it is to know that the angels of the Lord are encamping around about our families, diligently on guard against any intrusion of the enemy forces. I cannot always be with my husband or my children 24 hours a day, but each day as I watch him leave for work and as I send them off to school, I can plead the blood of Jesus over them, pray the armor of God on them, and ask for the angels of the Lord to encamp around about them. We can ask this with confidence if we are in obedience to God’s Word and have not severed the glory in our lives. Only eternity will reveal how many times your family was protected because of this promise of power on your head. 

There was a Holy-Ghost-filled woman that claimed this promise at a very desperate time in her life. This lady’s son was in a very serious car accident. When he was brought into the emergency room, the doctors did not even work on him because the said he was too far gone. They left to go work on other patients that they thought had a better chance of survival. Somehow, this frantic mother managed to get into her son’s room along with her husband. As she stood at his bedside, she began to pray. She reminded God of how a scissors had never touched her hair. She prayed the promise of I Corinthians 11:10 and claimed the power that was available to her because of the angels. God heard that prayer, and immediately things began to happen. The doctors came back, expecting to see a young man who possibly was dead. Instead, they found that he had regained consciousness and was responding. Within a matter of days, this young man was out of the hospital. His mother had guarded the glory, and she had power on her head because of the angels! Upon hearing this story from Penny Watkins years before I read it again in Ruth Rieder’s book, I began to pray for my son, Skyler. He had the most severe form of asthma. He took six breathing treatments that lasted about ten – fifteen minutes each treatment. Phillip and I were literally afraid to sleep at night fearing that, that would be the night he wouldn’t be able to catch his breath and we wouldn’t know. Anytime he would do something active, such as jump on the trampoline he would just start throwing up, and he couldn’t stop or breathe. Now, here I was expecting LaMarq, and I remember thinking now God is going to have to help us. I didn’t know how I would physically take the stress of staying up with an infant on top of all this with Skyler. So, when I heard this story, I went home, I let my hair down, and I began to pray the same prayer that this lady had. I began to plead the blood over Skyler. He was miraculously healed. A couple of weeks without any treatments, and no attacks, I testified in church of the miracle God had done. That night Skyler had the worst attack that he had ever had. The doctor told us that there was nothing else he could do, any more medicine would mess Skyler up. He told us that we would just have to start taking him to the ER every time we saw one coming on. So, I was thinking, “ Ok, God. I know that you healed him.” So, I did the same thing, I prayed again the same prayer. Again Skyler was miraculously healed, and I do mean all the way. So I waited about a month, when I was sure, and I testified again. Again THAT NIGHT Skyler had another attack. It hit me like a ton of bricks that this was an all out war with the devil. He was scared to death of me getting a hold of this revelation. This happened 3 more times. I mean the very night I would testify, Skyler would just get a horrible attack. Phillip told me to stop testifying or Skyler was going to die. So, one night I just started rebuking the devil in JESUS name, and I told him that it didn’t matter how many times we had to do this, that it was too late, I already knew the power that I had in my hair, and that he might as well leave me alone, and He did. Skyler has not had one more attack to this day. 


God has miraculously healed LaMarq, too. He had begun to start breaking out in horrible whelps all over his body. We couldn’t figure out what was happening. When we discovered it was latex, the doctor told us that his reactions were so severe that an inhalation (like a balloon) could be fatal. Ok, right. How was I going to keep my three year old away from balloons or make him understand that he could die if he tried to blow one up? So, I have to say… I’m not afraid to ask my heavenly father for anything! He has never ever ever let me down!!! So I did the same thing I layed my hair over LaMarq’s little body and prayed. Since then, not one break out!!!! We have power through our uncut hair! 

Women, isn’t there something in your life you would like to have the victory over? Let your hair down… walk around your house… lay your hair over your children!!! When your unsaved husband is sleeping, lay your glory over that man and use that power you have with the angels!!! If your body is in pain…. if your finances are in trouble, if your marriage is on the rocks, if your children are straying from this truth… WHATEVER you need WE HAVE THE POWER!!!! 

Skyler is old enough to understand, and when I talk to him about it he becomes very emotional. He’s not embarrassed of my hair, he knows that because I was submissive to the Word of God and didn’t cut my hair he can have a normal childhood without six breathing treatments a day… no drugs in his little body. Ladies… WE HAVE THE POWER!!!!!!!!! Whatever your need is, whatever your problem is!!!

There is a story that Bro. Stoneking tells about a woman who heard a scream, she ran to the window and looked down, and her child was standing in the grass beside a woman trembling. The lady said, “ You left you window open and your child climbed onto the ledge. He fell down two stories, but there was a man standing there who caught him. The man disappeared; I don’t know where he went.” This mother had power on her head because of the angels. There are times when this power is at work on our behalf when we are not even aware of it. Our hair is our covering, just think of it like an umbrella. Oh, yes, we are going to walk through storms, but we are protected!!!!!!!!!! I just want to thank the Lord for this huge responsibility and awesome privilege! WE’RE COMING AFTER WHAT BELONGS TO US!!! WE HAVE THE POWER!!! 

This was not meant to condemn, judge, or offend anyone that has cut or cuts their hair. This was meant as encouragment to all of my Pentecostal ladies/friends who do not cut their hair. I love you all!!! 

Are you salty?

Yesterday when I saw Tiffanie's post on facebook about witnessing to her friends on the bus, I was so immensely proud of her.  She was doing what we are all called to do.  The Bible says we are to be "salt."  When people put salt on their food, it makes them thirsty.  When we are salt to people around us, it makes them thirsty for "living water." 

I think sometimes that the church has become too sophisticated and respectable to be a light to our generation.  Columbus was called crazy when he decided to sail an uncharted ocean.  Martin Luther was crazy when he defied the religious hierarchy of his time.  Patrick Henry was crazy when he cried "Give me liberty or give me death."  George Washington was crazy when he decided to continue the war after seeing thousands of his men die during the winter at Valley Forge.  These men had a goal and pursued it at all costs - in unconventional, unsophisticated ways.  Today, we tend to be so normal that we have lost our flavor.  I want God to make us so dangerous to the world that people could consider us crazy...crazy for believing in a life beyond this one.  Crazy for believing in healing.  Crazy for living life differently.  Crazy for seeing the good in other people.  Maybe then we will truly be salt...  "Good salt is worthless if it loses its saltiness; it can't season anything.  So don't lose your flavor!" (Mark 9:50, TLB).

:)
Amberly

Fashion Friday!!!

Hey girls!  Aren't you glad the weekend is finally here?  Everyone knows I love clothes, shoes, purses, hair accessories, etc. so its no suprise I love Fridays because we get to talk fashion on the blog! 

I have some tips to share with you today about modesty and fashion.  I have been teased my whole life for my “ability to shop ‘til you drop” or the way I “spend money to save money.”  The first major decision of my day is always, “What am I going to wear?”  Sometimes, I plan so far ahead that this decision is made the night before.  The second decision of the day: “How am I going to fix my hair?”  And, of course, you fix your hair according to what you wear, right?  I believe as christian young ladies, we should always look nice because we represent Jesus Christ.  If your clothing is wrinkled and stained, how much of a witness do you think you are to the outside world?  If your hair isn't fixed and is simply stringing down your back, tangled and looking a mess, do you really believe you can convince someone to stop cutting her hair?  Seriously, who wants to look like that!  At the same time however, all of our emphasis cannot be placed on our clothes, how we fix our hair and sadly, not even how perfect our shoes are.  

Read 1 Peter 3:3-4.

Peter was trying to tell us that there is a greater beauty that we should desire to attain, a beauty that transcends all outward appearance.  It doesn’t matter how attractive you appear to be on the outside if you are horribly ugly on the inside.  “Pretty is as pretty does” and “pretty does” dresses modestly.  As my dad always told me, “If it’s not for sale, don’t advertise!”  There is an old Gaelic proverb that states, “Modesty is the beauty of women.”   With this in mind, let me admonish you to become a “modest, chaste lady.”  You should be aware of how your clothing looks to others when you walk, when you climb stairs and descend stairs, when you sit or stand on the platform, when you sit in general and when you get in and out of a car.  

I am FAR from perfect and I'm sure many of you could point out times I didn't practice what I'm preaching, but I try to follow these "rules of thumb:"  

1.  The second button is usually too low;
2.  The view of anyone standing above or to the side of a seated woman should be taken into consideration when evaluating a neckline;
3.  Undergarments should never be visible due to thin or sheer material, and
4.  Nothing should be worn for the purpose of attracting attention.  (Are you dressing to be chaste or dressing to be chased?)

Also, keep in mind that when a woman is modestly and properly attired, the focal point should be her face, not her body.  I shop in malls too…I understand that it is sometimes difficult to find modest clothing these days, but it can be done.  My advice – either learn to sew or become very good friends with someone who can!  Splits that are too high can be easily fixed.  In fact, most clothing can be altered without anyone ever knowing the difference!

Now for some general clothing tips:

1.  Don't mix a full top with a full skirt.  You know - those cut little tops with the empire waist that are so flowy at the bottom.  They are precious, but wear them with a straight skirt. 

2.  When you do wear those cute little full skirts - wear a fitted top.  Otherwise you kind of have a mushroom effect going on!

3.  When wearing pantyhose, make sure your hose match your skirt and shoes.  Don't wear black hose and white shoes.  Likewise, don't wear a black skirt, white hose, and black shoes.  Your hose should be the color of your skin, or they should match your clothing (when wearing black, wear black hose...). 

4.  Buy clothes that fit!!!  As much as it hurts to buy a bigger size, clothing that fits looks so much better than clothing that looks like you were melted down and poured in!

5.  It's a fashion myth that your shoes and purse have to match.  They don't.  However, we still don't wear white shoes after Labor Day (tennis shoes excluded).

6.  I know its hard to find tank tops that aren't too low.  I also know a tank top is the easiest way to make other shirts modest enough to wear.  But - are you really being modest when you're constantly pulling on your tank top because its sliding down and you can see "crack?"  Pull those straps up and safety pin them to your bra strap.  That way the tank top stays put.

Hope you ladies have a wonderful weekend!

Amberly

Security - Ending

Relationships aren’t the only area of our lives threatened by insecurity, they are typically just the most painful.  Insecurity can cheat you of reaching maximum potential.  It can turn your classmates or coworkers into threats.  It can chase you to church where you will be so distracted by who you know or don’t know, where you sit or don’t sit, what brand you are or aren’t wearing that you won’t hear 3 words of the sermon.

Culture & Society

I believe this is our biggest challenge.  Life has changed in the last 50 years and in countless ways, it’s been for the better.  But I can promise you this: my grandmother did not deal with the media madness we deal with today.  She did not check out in the grocery store next to a magazine rack of gorgeous, half-dressed, airbrushed women.  She did not rinse off the dinner plates while her husband watched Victoria Secret models traipsing around in high definition.   She did not stumble onto pornography in chat rooms or on computer hard drives.  She did not receive explicit emails from complete strangers in her in-box.  She was not immersed in a society that is screaming a woman is only as valuable as her sensuality.  We are drowning in uncharted waters and we must learn how to swim.  My great-grandmother may have compared herself to a few hundred women in a lifetime.  We can now throw ourselves up against tens of thousands.  In a telling article in Psychology Today, studies showed that “women who are surrounded by other attractive women, whether in flesh, in films, or in photographs, rate themselves as less satisfied with their appearance – and less desirable as a marriage partner.”  Since the mark of real security is the ability to be around anyone, regardless of how attractive or intelligent, and still maintain personal confidence, this study says a lot about our need for change.  The issue with our media driven society is that we no longer feel inferior to 10 women, we feel inferior to a thousand.  We honestly talk ourselves into believing that the media princesses are the norm.  We view these near-perfect images and make common experiences such as acne, extra pounds, a flat chest, or a large nose twice the benefactor of insecurity they once were.  Media exploitation is not going to let up on us so we have to figure out how to survive with our security intact.  It is up to us to change the way we react to media influence and to quit buying into everything we see.  I have no intention of throwing out my movies or getting rid of my Internet access so I need to learn to be wise, moderate and discerning of what I watch and read. 

First, we need to recognize when we are overloading ourselves on media hype and back off when we sense it tripping our security switch.  Learn how to put something down when it is just too much or makes a lie too believable.  Make sure you are deliberately exposing yourself to materials that edify your soul.  If you deal with considerable insecurity regarding your appearance, do not pour obsessively over the latest InStyle edition.  If you deal with insecurity regarding your weight, hours and hours of shopping probably won’t do you any favors. 

Second, start looking for ways in which you set yourself up for failure.  If you know in advance a movie is going to have a whole lot of skin in it and will probably make you feel like a zero when you’re sitting next to your boyfriend watching it – watch something else.  Don’t ask for trouble. 

The point: learn what you can handle and what you can’t.  Know what triggers that wave of insecurity, and what makes you feel better about who God made you to be.  There’s a volume of wisdom in knowing the difference.

Pride

This one is not about our culture, its about our ego.  Sometimes people and situations make us feel insecure because they nick our pride, plain and simple.  All the blows of life aside and with every other root yanked out of the ground, sometimes we deal with insecurity because we wrestle with pride.  When pride fills a heart it doesn’t keep it from breaking, it keeps it from healing.  Pride talks us out of forgiving and steers us away from risking.  Pride cheats us of intimacy because intimacy requires transparency.  Pride is a slave driver like no other and if it can’t drive us to destruction it will drive us to distraction. 

We live our lives screaming “Somebody notice me!” and you know what? That’s how God made us.  The need is built into us by the Creator to send us on a search for Him.  He can assign to us more significance than we can handle.  He not only notices us, He never takes His eyes off of us.  The psalmist said:

           

            O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! ...You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!

            Psalm 139:106; 13-17 NLT

Humility is a crucial component in true security.  It’s the very thing that calms the savage beast of pride.  We find our lives when we lose them to something greater.  In the radiance of His greatness, we are made great.  We no longer need pride to drive us, because we’ve found something infinitely more fulfilling: purpose.  He is the reason we are here.  Pride lives on the defense against anyone or anything that tries to subtract from its self-sustained worth.  Confidence on the other hand, is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and has the conviction that nothing can take that identity away. 

Overcoming Insecurity Tip:

Do you remember our verse from Proverbs 31?  “She is clothed with strength and dignity”?  Let’s read the rest of it.  The entire verse says “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”  Both Psalm 112:7-8 and Proverbs 31:25 describe secure people.  They have one profound characteristic in common.  Their hearts are “steadfast, trusting in the Lord.”  Insecurity feeds like a starving wolf off fear of the future.  Insecurity fears what might happen later today…tonight…tomorrow…years down the road.  Fear of the future makes us settle for things in the present that completely deny us abundant life.  We settle for jobs, we settle for husbands, we settle for certain ministries when we know God has called us to more.  When we throw our little pity parties and start asking ourselves “But what will I do if __________ happens?” we are asking the wrong question.  We should be saying “What will God do if __________ happens?”

Here are a few examples of what God will do:

            Psalm 138:8                He will perfect everything that concerns you.

            Romans 8:28               He will work things together for your good.

            Isaiah 49:25                He will contend with those who contend with you.

            2 Chron. 20:15            He will fight this battle for you.

            2 Cor. 10:4                  He will equip you with divine power.

            Micah 7:18                  He delights to show you mercy.

            Philippians 4:19          He will meet all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus.

            2 Cor. 12:9                  He will be your power in weakness.

           Ephesians 3:20         He will do immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within you.

There is so much I don’t know, but of one thing I am certain.  If you will place your trust in God, He will always – always – make sure that in the end you look upon your foes in triumph.  No illness, loss, rejection, or betrayal will ever get the last word.  You will stand to your feet stronger than ever.

Now, with all of this new knowledge, take your dignity back.  Find your security in God and hold onto it for everything you’re worth.  It is yours.  Nothing and no one can take it from you.  “The Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” (Proverbs 3:26)

Psalm 84:1 says “How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!” 1 Corinthians 3:16 says “Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?”  It may seem silly but sometimes when I feel particularly down, when my hair just wouldn’t do what I wanted it to and maybe the outfit I wanted to wear was dirty, or maybe life situations have just gotten huge in my mind, I just remind myself “Lovely is Your dwelling place Lord.”  It doesn’t matter what comes or goes, who God places in my life or who He takes away, if rain and wind destroyed my hair, if I ripped my split getting in Dathaniel’s monster truck…His dwelling place is lovely as long as my heart is hungry for Him.

XOXO,
Amberly

Clothed With Strength and Dignity in Honor of Fashion Friday / Security - Part 3

Don’t tell me we don’t have man issues.  I won’t believe you.  Maybe you are a rare exception, but this I know: If you are a real, live, honest-to-goodness secure woman who is neither obsessed with a man’s affirmation or nursing a grudge against a man, you did not arrive at that place by accident.  No one did.  To get a few things out on the table:

1.         Men are certainly not the only source of insecurity/security for women.

2.         I am not a man-basher.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I adore my husband, my dad and my brothers.  Nobody can make me laugh like them.  Nobody can make me think the way they do.  Few people have access to my heart like they do.  They are worthy of my respect.

However, we cannot get security from a gender that doesn’t have much to spare.  The culture we live in is just as merciless on men as it is on women.  Their insecurities take on different shapes than ours, but make no mistake: they’ve got them.  Maybe you’ve elevated men so high in your thinking and given them so much credit that you can’t see their frailties.  Maybe all your friends are guys and its girls you don’t trust.  If all your hopes and dreams are spun around men like silver crowns on kings, you are not seeing clearly.  Men aren’t demons and they aren't gods.

One psychologist said “The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships.  These expectations, for themselves and for others, are often unconscious.  The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable.  Ironically, although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery.” 

Strangely, women who have been seriously injured by a man don’t always respond by avoiding them.  Sometimes they become emotionally enslaved to them.  Sometimes we are determined to fix them.  To make them into the person we believe they could be.  We cannot be God in a boyfriend/husband’s life.  The right one for you will be right from the beginning.  You will not have to change him, you will not have to fix him.  He will bring out the best in you.  He will not make you feel inferior to him. He will not blame you for his failures.  Dathaniel is my unpredictable loose cannon.  If he feels strong-armed into doing something, he suddenly develops a voracious appetite to do the exact opposite.  God has used him more powerfully in my life than anyone else on the planet, precisely because I cannot manage him.  He wouldn’t mind telling you that he has a rebellious root against normality so deep that to pull it up could cause a tremor throughout the entire state of Texas.  Trust me, I know.  I spent the first year of our relationship trying to make him conform to what I believed society dictated of a minister.  I’ve finally realized it won’t work.  He is who he is and that’s just the way it is.  However, because of his strong opposition to other people’s opinions controlling his life, I know without a doubt that he loves me and that he plans to spend the rest of his life with me because he absolutely wants too.  I also know when he comes to me and says God is sending him in a certain direction, I have no reason to doubt it.  It absolutely came from God, because no man on earth will ever make him do anything.  With  a past of trying to “fix” people and mold them into what I could see they had the potential to be, God knew I needed someone who would never allow me to control them. 

Where the devil attacked me when it came to fixing guys is that God does instruct us to help each other.  It is biblical to lift one another up.  So, how can we tell when help has morphed into a co-dependent relationship and quest for control?  The first clue is when the helper is the one doing all the work!  Why are there so many people who talk a big talk about what they need to do but then won’t do it?  Sometimes it’s because there’s something about unhappiness that is working for them.  It could be the attention they’re getting from you or the excuse they’re milking.  Some won’t do what it takes to liberate themselves because their particular form of bondage provides a momentary respite from real life.  You can’t make them do something else.  You can’t force them.  Only God can change someone and even He has to be allowed to do so.  We are not in charge. We are called to cherish, support, and pray for others, but entangling our lives with them and tying our security to them is a lost cause.  

There are also people in this world who prefer us to be insecure and have a sick need to keep us that way.  Maybe one day I'll share my entire story, but for now I'll just say my first husband figured out my insecurities and used them to control me.  These people are what specialists call “emotional predators.”  The Bible describes this person as someone who worms his or her way into lives to gain control of weak-willed people.  Have you ever been in a relationship where you believed to be in love, yet felt an odd sense of relief when the relationship ended?  With me, I was relieved to finally make my own choices.  I could make decisions for myself without feeling like I wasn’t smart enough to do so, without being scared of the reaction my decision would get from the guy I was with.  I no longer felt manipulated into doing things I didn’t want to do.  A person cannot be whole in a relationship where he or she feels powerless to make healthy choices.  Whether male or female, any person who enjoys and exploits another’s insecurity and sensitivity is an emotional predator.  See if this description makes your skin crawl like it did mine:

Emotional predators learn that being aggressive often gets them their way.  They rely on others’ anxiety as the key to getting their way.  Naturally, physical abuse should not be tolerated at all.  That should be grounds for any sensible person to leave.  However, many emotional predators use verbal aggression as opposed to physical aggression to dominate a relationship.

The emotional predator sometimes has redeeming qualities that complicate things considerably because they allow us to make excuses for the person and avoid drawing solid boundaries.  I used to look at my ex-husband and say, “but he could be this or he could be that if he would just change or if he would just really seek a relationship with God.”  Paul describes such a predator as having “a form of godliness but denying its power” (2 Timothy 3:5).  We are also explicitly told to “have nothing to do with them.” 2 Timothy 3:6 says “they are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women…”  If you are single, please don’t marry an emotional predator!  If you struggle with sizable insecurity, you could be a sitting duck for one.  Rethink any relationship where you tend to be remarkably and consistently weak-willed.  The power to stand at a crossroad and make a good, sound choice based on a solid sense of security is a gift from God.  If you often feel unable to exercise that power in your current relationship, it is most likely not God’s will for you.  Get to the bottom of that weak will and find out why you’re so easily swayed by emotionally dangerous people.  Know that your insecurity and consistently weak will are not doing anybody – including the emotional predator – any favors.  Secular psychology calls supporting these people being an enabler.  Scripture would probably call it a grace abuser.  There is no greater form of extortion than the slow-bleed robbery of our sense of security.  By all means, let’s not open the front door and invite the thief in to live with us.  At some point in our lives, we have all handed our security over to a person who didn’t have enough of their own to stand up.  How we think those people can carry us is one of life’s mysteries.  Whether the damage sustained from an emotionally unhealthy person is intentional or not, we have the right to refuse people open access to our security and our dignity. 

The great news is that when we let God bring some wholeness to unhealthy propensities within us, we will not only make healthier relationships, we will also enjoy them immeasurably more.  In your pursuit of God-vested security, the only relationships in your life that will suffer are the significantly unhealthy ones.  I’ll even go a step further: Those that are the unhealthiest of all won't even survive and probably shouldn’t!

Overcoming Insecurity Tip:

Here’s a story about insecurity and overcoming it.  This brought tears to my eyes. 

My father left my mom when she was pregnant with me.  He only came to visit my sister and me two or three times a year.  When he came, I had a strong need to hold his hand.  He would take us to dinner, and I remember holding his hand and thinking “Look, look everybody! This is my daddy!” I was very insecure in my relationship with my stranger father.  Praise God I now know I have an Abba Father who is no stranger to me at all.  Not only does He hold my hand, but at times He carries me.  He never leaves, and I’m definitely not insecure in my relationship with Him.  I still have that childlike longing to show Him to the world and say “Look, look everybody!  This is my Daddy!”

“May the Lord answer you when you are in trouble; may the God of Jacob make you secure” (Psalm 20:1).  God knows we are insecure, but He has enough security for all of us.  He gives us what we need to overcome insecurity through His word.  Did you know that the same Hebrew word used as “valor” in Proverbs to describe the virtuous woman is the same Hebrew word used as “mighty” when God told Gideon “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior?”  I don’t know why it is translated differently, but I know how courageous women need to be today.  It is in the passage in Proverbs about this courageous, effective woman that we find the words “She is clothed with strength and dignity.”  Let’s go through that statement and see why its so significant.

She is clothed…The word picture sketched by the reference of clothing speaks volumes.  I don’t know about you but if I had to nail down the most common feeling I get when I’ve let my insecurity surface, it is the sense of being overexposed.  I’m not crazy about human eyes having the same kind of access God does.  Our first reaction when we have a wound is to cover it with our hand.  It is only when someone we trust comes to us with a bandage that we’re willing to take our hand away and let that person see the wound.  Even physically, the first step toward healing a wound is to clean and dress it.  I find great relief in the fact that human eyes have to see my weakness through a filter, a clothing of God-given strength and dignity.  I don’t have to stand before you or anybody else emotionally naked.  We are well covered by God.

…with strength…Proverbs 31:25 tells us this woman of valor is clothed by two specific articles that make the perfect pair.  The first is strength and it has tremendous bearing on our journey.  Nothing makes us feel weaker than insecurity.  Doesn’t it have the most uncanny way of making us feel like wimps?  Surely someone else has said “I know better than this. I know this situation doesn’t have the power to define or diminish me. Why on earth do I let it?”  Because it makes us feel weak.  What would happen if, in the moment you feel hit by that miserable wave, you reminded yourself that you are a God-clothed woman of valor and you have the privilege to wear divine strength?  When Scripture tells us to “put off your old self…and to put on the new self,” its inviting us to think in terms of clothing.  We know what it is to stand in front of the closet deciding what to wear, changing our minds 3 or 4 times before we leave the house.  Romans 13:14 tells us “Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ.” There is nothing weak about Him!  He is pure, unadulterated power resting on our very shoulders.  We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.  You have divine power.  In your gravest weakness, His strength is perfected.  Start taking a good look at what you’re wearing each day.  Ask God to clothe you with His strength.

…and dignity.  The Bible doesn’t say a woman of valor is clothed with strength and masculinity.  It doesn’t say she is clothed with strength and inaccessibility.  It doesn’t say she is clothed with strength and not humility.  It says she is clothed with strength and dignity.  Pride is dignity’s counterfeit.  Never lose sight of that.  We don’t forfeit humility in order to get over insecurity.  The same Hebrew term translated “dignity” in the passage about the woman of valor’s apparel is found in Psalms 8:3-5 "Whenever I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor."

In that verse the word is translated “honor” instead of “dignity” but it comes from the same Hebrew term and holds identical meaning.  We have dignity because God Himself gave it to us when He made us.  God didn’t just give dignity to us, but according to Psalm 8:5, He crowned us with it.  God didn’t put this dignity in our hands.  He put it on our heads.  He wrapped it as a crown around our minds, just where we need it most.  Our possession of dignity is not always something we feel.  It’s got to be something we know.  Something we claim.  To possess dignity is to be worthy of respect, worthy of high esteem.  You are worthy of respect.  If we can fully realize what God has given us and how He sees us, what everyone else thinks of us would grow less and less significant.

Praying for strength and dignity for each of you,
Amberly