I find it is often a struggle to live a life of authenticity. If you know me much at all, you know I am a perfectionist. So much so, that my husband told me a few days ago "You must be miserable trying to be so perfect all the time!" I don't struggle with being myself necessarily, I struggle with wanting to hide my imperfections. In the virtual world of Facebook and blogging there is a huge temptation to Photoshop my life into perfection. To erase the lines around my eyes, thin my silhouette, polish my demeanor and perfect my image. I can post only the best photos of myself and my husband, where my house is spotless and we are sitting in quiet contentment reading our Bibles and enjoy a cup of hot tea. This is not AT ALL the actual reality of how we REALLY live most of the time. Sure, sometimes its reality...for brief seconds in time!
Honestly, my house is usually a bustling flutter of activity...I get up somewhere betwen 6:15 and 6:30. Make a cup of coffee (a MUST) and fill it with honey and cream. Then I rush to fix my lunch, shower, do my hair. Then, I stand in my closet feverishly searching for something to wear that doesn't need to be ironed, because ugh...I seriously don't have time for that. I rush off to the bus station for that 1 hour trip to downtown Houston (usually arriving 10-15 minutes later than planned). I get on the bus, pull out my phone and proceed to check my emails, read my daily Bible reading. Then, I arrive at work, and sit at my computer all day looking at the clock every few minutes, wishing for 5:00 to arrive. Finally, I hit the bus stop for that long 1 hour trip home. By now, its 6:15 p.m. and I'm driving home, talking on the phone with D, trying to decide what to have for dinner. This, of course, is on nights when we have no other obligations. At least several nights a week D and I rush home, he quickly changes clothes, and we rush out the door for one thing or another. I don't enjoy shopping trips during the week, or leasurely afternoons in the park with my Bible and a cup of coffee. Most nights, I fall into bed exhausted and have nightmares about the laundry that didn't get done or the dishwasher that needs to be unloaded. In the perfect photo, my kitchen is spotless except for a bowl of fresh fruit and flowers. In the actual one, the dishwasher is full of dishes, the counters need to be wiped off and there is at least one pot in the sink that needs to be handwashed. Not exactly what I want to post on Facebook…for what would folks think of me then?
I don't typically realize the pressure I place on myself, until my sweet husband decides he needs to point it out. Gee thanks... No, really - thanks. I'm not exactly ready to show everyone how "unperfect" I really am...but maybe, just maybe, I can at least understand that I don't have to feel so guilty when my house isn't spotless because I spent my extra time working at the church or spending time with family. Maybe, I can stop singing the nasty nagging ‘not perfect’ icky song. You know the one that says “Look how pretty, smart, talented, poised THEY are…how clean they keep THEIR homes, how well THEY stay on top of all the laundry... girl you just DON’T fit in”. That is the song I usually hear being played in my mind, but that is not the song Jesus wants us to sing. Oh no - He keeps singing ‘We are family!’ He wants us to know its okay to have imperfections and its okay to let those imperfections show. Afterall, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and, just as I don't have to be perfect for my family...I don't have to perfect for His family either. He shows love to us, no matter what. And that only happens in the perfect world of perfect love. Perfect love casts out fear. That’s what He gives. Not because we project back His perfection, but because He accepts us in our reality. He welcomes me, he calls me daughter. Part of the family. I guess that is about as perfect as it gets.
Amberly :)
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