Relationships aren’t the only area of our lives threatened by insecurity, they are typically just the most painful. Insecurity can cheat you of reaching maximum potential. It can turn your classmates or coworkers into threats. It can chase you to church where you will be so distracted by who you know or don’t know, where you sit or don’t sit, what brand you are or aren’t wearing that you won’t hear 3 words of the sermon.
Culture & Society
I believe this is our biggest challenge. Life has changed in the last 50 years and in countless ways, it’s been for the better. But I can promise you this: my grandmother did not deal with the media madness we deal with today. She did not check out in the grocery store next to a magazine rack of gorgeous, half-dressed, airbrushed women. She did not rinse off the dinner plates while her husband watched Victoria Secret models traipsing around in high definition. She did not stumble onto pornography in chat rooms or on computer hard drives. She did not receive explicit emails from complete strangers in her in-box. She was not immersed in a society that is screaming a woman is only as valuable as her sensuality. We are drowning in uncharted waters and we must learn how to swim. My great-grandmother may have compared herself to a few hundred women in a lifetime. We can now throw ourselves up against tens of thousands. In a telling article in Psychology Today, studies showed that “women who are surrounded by other attractive women, whether in flesh, in films, or in photographs, rate themselves as less satisfied with their appearance – and less desirable as a marriage partner.” Since the mark of real security is the ability to be around anyone, regardless of how attractive or intelligent, and still maintain personal confidence, this study says a lot about our need for change. The issue with our media driven society is that we no longer feel inferior to 10 women, we feel inferior to a thousand. We honestly talk ourselves into believing that the media princesses are the norm. We view these near-perfect images and make common experiences such as acne, extra pounds, a flat chest, or a large nose twice the benefactor of insecurity they once were. Media exploitation is not going to let up on us so we have to figure out how to survive with our security intact. It is up to us to change the way we react to media influence and to quit buying into everything we see. I have no intention of throwing out my movies or getting rid of my Internet access so I need to learn to be wise, moderate and discerning of what I watch and read.
First, we need to recognize when we are overloading ourselves on media hype and back off when we sense it tripping our security switch. Learn how to put something down when it is just too much or makes a lie too believable. Make sure you are deliberately exposing yourself to materials that edify your soul. If you deal with considerable insecurity regarding your appearance, do not pour obsessively over the latest InStyle edition. If you deal with insecurity regarding your weight, hours and hours of shopping probably won’t do you any favors.
Second, start looking for ways in which you set yourself up for failure. If you know in advance a movie is going to have a whole lot of skin in it and will probably make you feel like a zero when you’re sitting next to your boyfriend watching it – watch something else. Don’t ask for trouble.
The point: learn what you can handle and what you can’t. Know what triggers that wave of insecurity, and what makes you feel better about who God made you to be. There’s a volume of wisdom in knowing the difference.
Pride
This one is not about our culture, its about our ego. Sometimes people and situations make us feel insecure because they nick our pride, plain and simple. All the blows of life aside and with every other root yanked out of the ground, sometimes we deal with insecurity because we wrestle with pride. When pride fills a heart it doesn’t keep it from breaking, it keeps it from healing. Pride talks us out of forgiving and steers us away from risking. Pride cheats us of intimacy because intimacy requires transparency. Pride is a slave driver like no other and if it can’t drive us to destruction it will drive us to distraction.
We live our lives screaming “Somebody notice me!” and you know what? That’s how God made us. The need is built into us by the Creator to send us on a search for Him. He can assign to us more significance than we can handle. He not only notices us, He never takes His eyes off of us. The psalmist said:
O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! ...You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
Psalm 139:106; 13-17 NLT
Humility is a crucial component in true security. It’s the very thing that calms the savage beast of pride. We find our lives when we lose them to something greater. In the radiance of His greatness, we are made great. We no longer need pride to drive us, because we’ve found something infinitely more fulfilling: purpose. He is the reason we are here. Pride lives on the defense against anyone or anything that tries to subtract from its self-sustained worth. Confidence on the other hand, is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and has the conviction that nothing can take that identity away.
Overcoming Insecurity Tip:
Do you remember our verse from Proverbs 31? “She is clothed with strength and dignity”? Let’s read the rest of it. The entire verse says “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Both Psalm 112:7-8 and Proverbs 31:25 describe secure people. They have one profound characteristic in common. Their hearts are “steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” Insecurity feeds like a starving wolf off fear of the future. Insecurity fears what might happen later today…tonight…tomorrow…years down the road. Fear of the future makes us settle for things in the present that completely deny us abundant life. We settle for jobs, we settle for husbands, we settle for certain ministries when we know God has called us to more. When we throw our little pity parties and start asking ourselves “But what will I do if __________ happens?” we are asking the wrong question. We should be saying “What will God do if __________ happens?”
Here are a few examples of what God will do:
Psalm 138:8 He will perfect everything that concerns you.
Romans 8:28 He will work things together for your good.
Isaiah 49:25 He will contend with those who contend with you.
2 Chron. 20:15 He will fight this battle for you.
2 Cor. 10:4 He will equip you with divine power.
Micah 7:18 He delights to show you mercy.
Philippians 4:19 He will meet all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus.
2 Cor. 12:9 He will be your power in weakness.
Ephesians 3:20 He will do immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within you.
There is so much I don’t know, but of one thing I am certain. If you will place your trust in God, He will always – always – make sure that in the end you look upon your foes in triumph. No illness, loss, rejection, or betrayal will ever get the last word. You will stand to your feet stronger than ever.
Now, with all of this new knowledge, take your dignity back. Find your security in God and hold onto it for everything you’re worth. It is yours. Nothing and no one can take it from you. “The Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” (Proverbs 3:26)
Psalm 84:1 says “How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!” 1 Corinthians 3:16 says “Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?” It may seem silly but sometimes when I feel particularly down, when my hair just wouldn’t do what I wanted it to and maybe the outfit I wanted to wear was dirty, or maybe life situations have just gotten huge in my mind, I just remind myself “Lovely is Your dwelling place Lord.” It doesn’t matter what comes or goes, who God places in my life or who He takes away, if rain and wind destroyed my hair, if I ripped my split getting in Dathaniel’s monster truck…His dwelling place is lovely as long as my heart is hungry for Him.
XOXO,
Amberly
XOXO,
Amberly
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