Security - Part 2

Many of us have what could be called a prominent false positive:  one thing we think would make us secure in all things if we could only get it.  Do you know what your false positive is?  What do you tend to relate most to security?  Think of a person you believe to be secure and figure out what earthly thing they possess that you don’t and that will likely be your false positive.  Our attachment to this thing is emotional.  Often we aren’t even aware of it, but we demonstrate it by the inordinate amount of power we assign to it.

Examples:

You know, people who don’t know you really well would never be able to imagine that you struggle with insecurity because…

You’re married to the most fabulous man in the world.  False Positive:  A great man would make me secure.

Look at this house!  Girl you never have to worry about money.  False Positive:  Financial success would make me secure.

You’ve got the best personality.  Everybody likes you.  False Positive:  Popularity would make me secure.

You’re young and in the prime of your life.  False Positive:  Recapturing youthfulness would make me secure.

You’re gorgeous!  I’d give anything to see that in the mirror.  False Positive:  Beauty would make me secure.

You run this entire corporation.  Look how people jump through hoops for you.  False Positive:  Power would make me secure.

Everybody looks up to you.  False Positive: Prestige would make me secure.

Look at all those degrees on your wall.  Are you kidding me?  You’re the smartest person I know!  False Positive:  Credentials/knowledge would make me secure.

None of these things will cut it for you.  Neither will a nose job, money, breast implants, a big house, a man who calls you 6 times a day, great hair, beauty, a big office, loosing those 10 pounds.  These things may soothe the savage beast for a while, but it will inevitably wake back up.  No one solitary thing on this planet has the power to secure everything else.  Security in any earthly thing will not be sustained.

We know our own minds attack us, and added to that, is the fact that there is no apparent end to bad news.  Much of the world is racked with enormous debt and economic instability, threats of terrorism, wars, fallen heroes, rabid perversity and violence just for the pleasure of it.  About the time we stop hearing about one natural disaster, another one strikes with a death toll so high we go numb.  Plus we all have long lists of acquaintances or loved ones diagnosed with life-threatening diseases.  And if there aren’t enough earth-shattering reasons to feel insecure, simply growing up could do the trick.  For some, life is more brutal than to others.  Two people who suffered the same kind of trauma, will respond differently.  They may relate to each other, but they will still be very different.  Proverbs 14:10 says “each heart knows its own bitterness.”  Try as we might, we cannot fully understand how something affected someone else’s life.  Its simply the way our Maker made us.  However, you can rest assured that everyone has suffered something…if not, it’s coming.  Recognition is the first step toward letting God get to an issue and heal it. 

Instability in the Home

This is a no-brainer.  Maybe your parents fight like wildcats and one is continually threatening to leave.  Maybe your parents get along reasonably well, but your home has been rocked by layoffs and financial problems. An alcoholic parent or mentally ill parent also stirs up an environment of uncertainty.  A parent’s physical illness creates significant fear and insecurity for a child.  Sometimes these situations create a fear that no one will take care of you, but know this:  God said “Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you.  I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you” (Isaiah 46:4).

Significant Loss

Losses that contribute to chronic insecurity include: loss of a home, a relationship, a best friend, a babysitter, even a loved one dying.  In the last 2 years, I have lost a grandmother, a grandfather, and two precious Godly people who served as spiritual parents to my mother.  Honestly, because I knew what prayer warriors they were and how much they loved and cared for God’s people, the loss of my grandmother and Dorothy & Joe Turner completely rocked my world.  If I can ever be a portion of the Christians they were, I will call my life blessed.  You may not have suffered this kind of loss, but a broken attachment of any kind can be just as devastating as death, even one that to others seems relatively minor such as the loss of a home, a job, or a friendship.

Rejection

Real rejection does occur, and when it does, it’s a mind bender. No matter the source of rejection (parent, friend, boyfriend) the message is the same: I don’t want you. Nothing elicits quicker agreement on our part than feeling rejected.  The original lie doubles when we find ourselves nodding and saying “You are so right…I’m not worth wanting, I’m not worth loving, I’m not even worth liking, I’m not worth fighting for, I’m not worth keeping.”  Until healing comes, rejection can leave a constant sense of worthlessness.  Because we feel worthless, rejection will then set up a history to repeat itself over and over because rejected people tend to form relationships in which they will again be rejected. 

Rejection can make you do the craziest, most insecure things you have ever done.  One teenage girl told of a friend who was devastated over being dumped by a guy who had hardly raised her eyebrow before his abrupt exit.  Truth be told, she was basically using the guy so she could have a dating life until someone better came along.  The girl said of the friend, “You know…its that rejection thing.  There’s nothing like it to make you obsessed with someone you didn’t even want.”  Isn’t it true? 

Whatever you do, don’t ignore it when God tells you you’re worth fighting for.  God said “I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God” (Isaiah 41:9-10).

Dramatic Change

Most people find a tremendous amount of security in sameness.  Sometimes, they even stay in destructive situations because they think what they know is safer than what they don’t know.  Sometimes we hold onto things so tight we strangle them half to death.  Other times, changes come that we can’t control: accidents, layoffs, a job transfer.  Security is easily threatened by anything unknown.  Life is life and change will happen, but remember God uses change to change us.  He is thoroughly committed to finishing the masterpiece He started in us and sometimes that process means major change. Philippians 1:6.

Personal Limitations

A learning disability can sow a harvest of insecurity.  So can a physical handicap or anything that makes us feel particularly different or inferior.  Sometimes our limitations are only a matter of perception, something one person finds almost debilitating might seem trivial to someone else.  Acne is a prime example.  A girl struggling with a bad complexion may feel humiliated and inhibited by it while her parents can’t figure out why its such a big deal when it will eventually pass.

Attitude is everything when it comes to limitations.  Nothing is more impressionable than a person who is secure in the unique way God made them.  God can bring freedom and vision to your life because of your limitations that you would never have discovered without them.  You can let your limitations make you insecure or unstoppable.

Personal Disposition

It is possible that you know people who have experienced the types of things we just talked about and yet are genuinely secure people.  On the other hand, you may know people who have experienced the best life has to offer and are so insecure you can barely stand to be around them.  Sometimes it boils down to your personality.  People who are especially tenderhearted are more predisposed to insecurity.  Some people are hypersensitive so their joys are huge, but so are their sorrows.

Overcoming Insecurity Tip:

You can pretty much accept as fact that anytime you see me, I’ll still be fretting over my hair, I’ll either have my nails done or tell you how badly I need to go get them done, I’ll still be in search of the most fabulous heels.  I don’t do those things out of insecurity, however, I do them because I enjoy them!  It isn’t because I don’t like myself or because I need you to like me more…its simply because its fun to me.  1 Peter 3:3-4 does a great job of reminding us not to get confused about where true beauty comes from.  However, in the entire context of the Bible you would have a pretty tough time telling me its wrong for me to look my best.  The goal in this is not to be motivated to thought or action by insecurity.  It’s a fine line, but really its quite simple.  Just ask yourself “Am I doing this…buying this…or saying this…or selling this out of any semblance of insecurity?”  If the answer is yes, then be brave and don’t do it.  If you ask, God will give you the insight to know the difference between actions based on insecurity and actions that are not.

We established earlier that we all have fears and those fears trigger insecurity.  We have to learn to truly trust God.  I used to think that the essence of trusting God was trusting that He wouldn’t allow my fears to become realities.  Without realizing it, I basically trusted God to do what I told Him.  If He didn’t, I was thrown for a total loop.  Eventually, through some hard trials, I learned that this thing I was calling trust wasn’t trust at all.  Trusting God to never let our fears happen is too conditional.  It suggests that when what I’m terrified of comes to pass, God is no longer trustworthy.  If we can’t count on God all the time, in all situations, who can we count on?  Isaiah said “He is your constant source of stability.”  Without trust in Him, we will never be secure, stable people.

Jesus is not unhealthy.  He is not co-dependent.  His strength is perfect.  He has no dark side.  In Him there is no darkness at all.  That is our challenge.  To let the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure God-part within us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship.  When we allow God’s truth to outshine every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we’ll see the treasure we are and the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us (Psalm 90:17).  Human flesh and blood have no weakness so strong that God’s strength is made weak.  He’s got what we need.  Its up to us whether or not we’re going to let the worst of us get the best of us.

Love & Prayers,
Amberly